What does it mean when you start a shiny new blog to chronicle all of your trials and tribulations as a writer, then you use it twice and forget about it for a year and a half? It means you're a mom (or some other equally as frenzied occupation) and there's a lot of crazy unexpected shit going on in your life.
The list of changes that have crash landed into my life since that last post is long. Really, really goddamn long. I still have the same desire to write, but that's practically the only thing that hasn't changed. For now, the most notable development is a relocation across the country, from Arizona to Michigan.
It's been nearly a year since the move, and if I'm being completely honest with myself, I still have no fucking idea if this was a great idea or a terrible one. If I sat down and made a list of all the reasons to stay in Michigan, and then placed it next to a list of all the reasons to throw in the towel and hightail it back to the desert, there would probably be a near tie. Let's have a look.
Reason #1 to STAY: My husband adores his job. This would be a difficult thing to give up, because he hasn't had a job that he loves in a very long time. He's also really really good at his job, so he's racking up experience and kudos like there's no tomorrow which will be a significant benefit to him in the future.
Reason #2: I fucking LOVE this state. There are no 115° days or 100° nights, no third-degree burns from seat belt buckles, no vast oceans of old people when the weather finally is pleasant. Instead I'm surrounded by huge trees and lakes in every direction. I swear to god I could probably throw a rock into a body of water if I'm standing anywhere in this entire damn place - it's glorious. There are four incredible seasons which are (holy shit) completely discernible from one another. People are damn nice here, too. I mean, there are nice people in Arizona, too, but it's on a completely different level up here. Drivers are more courteous, people wave at you when you drive past their house, I've been lost more times than I care to admit and been happily steered in the right direction by someone in a store or at the gas station. This was all a surprise to me, because I was a naive western girl and a little nervous about living so close to The D (this is for a completely different blog entry). Actually, now that I think about it, the niceness might actually become a negative for me at some point. It may piss me off some time in the future when I'm hell-bent on having a shitty day and everyone's being nice. Am I the only one who just wants to wallow in bitchiness sometimes?
Anyway, for now I'm leaving the nice people on the 'stay' list, because they have yet to wear on my pessimistic bitch nerve. In the future, I may amend this and give them their own bullet on the 'go' list.
Reason #3: I wouldn't mind going to school here. Up to this point, all of my college is science/animal related, but I'm really heavily considering adding an English major. There are several great options here for both educational directions, and I'd like to explore those. Of course I could go to school in Arizona - I was in school while I was there - but I'm liking the options here.
Reason #4: This one may only make sense to me, but, my soul feels happier here. I find some sort of inspiration here every single day. This is strictly related to the differences in natural environment between MI and AZ, I think, but there is no mistaking how much joy I get from the environment here. Despite the lack of updates to this blog, I have done more writing since arriving here than I had done in over two years in Arizona. Considering how much love I have for that activity, I think there's certainly something to be said for this.
Ok, for the sake of keeping this entry shorter, let's move on.
Reason #1 to GO: I miss my family. Sure, hubby's family is here, but that's a completely different number on this list and probably NOT on the 'stay' side. I figured the distance between myself and the rest of my family would be a good thing, at least for a while, but I'm surprised to be admitting how much I miss them.
That totally makes it sound like I ran away screaming with joy the second I had an opportunity to get away from my family, which isn't true!
Actually, I'm full of shit. That's totally how it was. I was so sick of being lectured and grumbled at, despite being a grown ass woman. Not to mention the fact that my entire family (save me) is Republican, which makes me the "left wing liberal, tree-hugging hippie" as my mother so enjoys referring to me (lovingly, of course).
At the time, there was no doubt in my mind that space was exactly what we needed. Now, though, I feel very differently. Families grumble, sure, but they're still family. I'd sort of love to hear my dad's gravely disapproving voice right about now. What's worse, every time I'm around my husband's family it becomes more and more clear to me that I'd much prefer my son be raised closer to my side of the bunch (that's not even another number - that's a completely separate blog post).
Reason #2: Though I am liking some of my schooling options here, it would be much easier to finish up what I've already started in Arizona. I have credits there that will mean virtually nothing here, and I could be finished within a year.
Reason #3: This might sound a bit high school, but I have some great friends in Arizona, and very few here. Considering how difficult it seems to be for me to make friends, this means a great deal of loneliness comes with the Michigan package. Considering I was in Arizona for about 14 years and left with just a handful of really close friends, I clearly have a long road ahead of me in a new state. I don't get along with many people. I can't help it - I don't like bullshit! Mommy groups, thus far, haven't been very helpful in this arena, so I'm not optimistic.
Reason #4: Quite frankly, I think I'm just a western girl at heart, and I miss that!
You are a funny and talented writer.
ReplyDeleteKeep 'em coming!
And for the record, Az misses you too!